Why 2021 Is The Year I am Leading With My Heart

This started with writing and turned into something grander. It turned into more than just a discovery about novel writing and turned into a focus for my entire year. I am currently writing my third novel. It’s my secret WIP that is a new adult historical fantasy romance novel. I found my genre, I found my audience, I found the heart of the story.

Near the end of 2020, I complained that my story lacked feeling. I couldn’t find the heart of the story. Everything was feeling very flat. Sure the characters were going through emotions and turmoil but those were reactions to things that were happening and less about how they were truly navigating this new world.

On top of that, I was struggling to write it. It shouldn’t be this hard because this is a story I am so passionate about. It has the heart of me written all over its surface but it was the inside that was missing me. My essence that lacked and I didn’t know what that was.

My solution was to push through. To plan more. To plot more. The result was I was getting farther and farther away from finding the meaning of the novel. My therapist often says I focus on the details and sometimes I need to take a step back and see things from afar. I wasn’t gaining perspective, I was doubling down on the details. 

Then I did start to take a step back and think about my own life. I was going through a rough patch and not being able to write was contributing to that. Maybe the heart of the story wasn’t in the novel because I wasn’t feeling. The thing is, I was feeling. A mountain of emotions that could have been fodder for such a heart-wrenching story. But I still felt distant from the novel. I blamed myself for a while. Then I quit teaching and felt relief.

So I started over. I cut and pasted the parts I wanted to keep and ditched the entire plot. Seriously. I started writing the novel June 1, 2020. And six months later, I restarted, keeping just 25,000 words of the original manuscript and going from there. I’m not plotting anymore. I’m writing my story from the heart. And what fun it is! Before I was floundering for feelings and in not using my head, I found the emotions. No, they found me. That’s what happens when you let your heart lead the way.

Plotter, Pantser, Plantser

If you’re not a writer, you might be totally confused by these terms. A “plotter” is a writer who plots their entire novel before they start writing. These are the type of writers that need an outline. There are some writers who plan over 10,000 words before they even start writing!

My first novel was plotted. It is a young adult fantasy novel. An entire five page summary detailed the trajectory of the story. I followed the plot and there was no agency. My character didn’t make choices. Things happened to her instead of her making decisions that moved everyone (characters and readers) along. 

A “pantser” is some one that doesn’t plan at all. It’s “fly by the seat of your pants” mentality. They just have an idea and start. It’s a very liberating type of writing. My second novel was completely pantsed. I was flying by the speed of my pen! It was the quickest novel to write and took me five months. It is an adult historical romance novel. I had two characters and a concept and had fun. This was full of emotion and tension. Frankly, too much tension. Again, my characters had little agency. What did the lovers even see in each other? If the characters didn’t convey that then why would the reader care about these characters. 

A “plantser” is something who does a little bit plotting and a little bit of pantsing. That is what I am. And that I what I am doing for this third novel. I like patterns in my life. This novel is such a combination of both my first novels. Not young adult or adult, it’s new adult. Not fantasy or historical romance, it’s a historical fantasy romance (yes, ALL three and it’s incredible). Not plotted or pantsed, but plantsed.

I have such a strong feeling that this novel is the one. It’s the one that will get me there. 

Plantsing in Action

I like the term plantser. It’s like I’m planting little seeds, watering them and nurturing them so they grow. It’s a slow process. I research as I write and follow the threads that work.

You know what else, plotting doesn’t work super well when you write out of order. I write when something inspires me or I have an idea for a scene. I’ll just write half of it and leave it there on the page. Cut and paste is my best friend! (I even wrote this blog post out of order in little spurts over the course of a week. That’s just how I work.) I can write a bunch of little bits and then cut and paste where they fit. Then I fit all the pieces in the puzzle, weaving snippets throughout the narrative.

Like I said above, I dove into plotting more and was getting farther and farther away from the story. But I realized I was planning the wrong things. I was planning action (aka plotting) when that is secondary to the emotional journey (internal conflict) that must happen to my characters. 

So there are some things I do plot and some things I plan. You know, like a plantser. I always know the climax and resolution of my story. Always. Even when I was pantsing my historical romance novel, I knew the climax and resolution. (But that was a romance novel, so the climax and resolution are always the same. Climax=break-up. Resolution=happily ever after.)

BUT. Oh my goodness, BUT. Even though I had the action of what happens at the climax and resolution, I didn’t have the epiphany. I was focusing so much on external conflict that I did not think about the internal conflict. What I did plan? Theme. THEME. What makes a story a story is the message it tells.

You can see on my post from last week about zero waste journaling that I shared my writing notebook. What I do plan, is stuff I write down by hand. There is intention to the planning when I write things down on paper as opposed to typing them. So of all the things I so plan, these are the most important questions I asked myself about my novel:

What does she learn? And what does she overcome about herself?

She learns what beauty is and overcomes the lie she believed about herself for so long that she is worthless. What causes my character to discover these things and how it affects her actions is something that she and I are working on together. That’s something I can’t plan. I now have the end goal but the road there is something we are working on together.

So plantsing it is. There is vague plot with some beats planned out. But the rest can be discovered on the page with the characters. I’m discovering more and more about my writing process and what works best for me. I’m a poetic detail-oriented writer and I can’t apply that same perfectionism to the plot or things will go flat. I have to let the emotions breathe the life into the bigger picture.

Plantsing my Actual Life?

Okay, now this is all great stuff but in finding these discoveries for my character and establishing the theme of the novel, I found meaning in my own life. Her lessons were my lessons. Her struggles were my struggles. Fiction is often tied closer to real life than we realize and this is one of those instances. Even though my story takes place in a completely different time and in a completely different place, our desires and fears are very much aligned.

I am recognizing patterns in my own life and discovering some core beliefs and misconceptions I hold. Something I am learning is that my worth is not tied to my work. I am still struggling to fully embrace this lesson when I love my work (writing, blogging, editing) but must not judge myself on how productive I am. I am a human being. Not a human doer.

You might have read my post about quitting that I wrote a month ago. These ideas are very much tied together. Finding your purpose and leading with your heart. Part of why I quit teaching was because I didn’t love it. Not with my whole heart anyway! (I also was really struggling.)

In leading with my heart, I’ve found happiness and a renewed purpose in blogging. I have so many cool things coming for you readers this year! Like seriously, the creativity hasn’t stopped since opening my arms to possibility. I applied to a publishing course that I am so so ready for and I hope I get in. I just reached the half way point of my novel! I get to work with my dream journal brand Archer and Olive* (referral link) and as an affiliate I can make a commission from a company whose values align with my own. Maybe it’s just this season that things are coming together and feeling hopeful. Maybe this has nothing to do with my heart at all but fate.

All this to say that I am living in the present. By leading with my heart, I can live in the present. I can stop feeling anxious about the future and leave the past in the past. I celebrate the present. And just like plantsing, I’m not planning out my life too far ahead.

So I declare this year I will lead with my heart. I will do things because I want to do them and not because it’s what is expected of me. I will do things that excite me. I will take risks and dive in. I’ll keep my head from stopping me. I’ll lead with my heart and I hope you’ll join me.

Happy Day-