I wanted to write a mini reflection for my blog post this week which is quite different from some of the content I usually produce. But I can’t ignore this any longer. This time is unprecedented and bizarre. It’s full of grief and uncertainty but there are so many stories of hope and resilience. I wanted to document my portion and account for how I am getting through it. It’s also timely because I finished writing my historical romance novel! (I’ve been focused on it so much this past week that I have no plan for a blog post for today. So some ramblings it is!)
As someone who is very sensitive, I can often feel the emotions of the world as acutely as I feel my own. It comes in waves and my attempts at establishing a routine have pretty much flown out the window. Steady persistence and being conscious of the feelings as they come, has helped. Some. But I’ve still had to mindfully manage (as best as I can) during lockdown.
I am also a creative. Creativity defines who I am as a person. I wouldn’t feel myself if I wasn’t creating. And this quarantine has allowed me to live a fully creative existence. It’s a blessing in disguise. I feel absolutely blessed that I can stay home but my ability to do so is brought on by tragedy. It’s hard to say “I love quarantine” when I know it’s affecting people’s lives and their livelihood. And yet, I am so grateful that I have the time to exactly what I want.
Creativity in Isolation
It’s about balance. Creating for the sake of creating and creating for the sake of my career. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be a full-time creative someday soon. Writing and blogging are real passions and they will become my living as well. I’ve been working on it steadily but surely to make my dreams a reality.
Creativity without productivity
I have been creating non-stop. I drift from one project to the next without much thought. It just flows out of me and I’m writing and painting and sewing and dancing and making videos and taking pictures and following hair tutorials. It’s like it’s been pent up inside me, all these ideas. I feel like I have time to do them and another part of me knows that this will end sometime and I won’t have all this space to create anymore.
What I think has really helped me stay grounded is to create for the sake of creating, not to be productive. Being creative for myself alone. It’s self-care for me.
Since this is such a stressful time as it is, it’s unhealthy to expect yourself to be productive all the time. I’m taking advantage of this weird time to do all that makes me happy.
Productive Creativity
Creators create. They make stuff. No matter what. Even when everything seems wrong and all is chaos, we must still create. Things are always going to be hard but creating anyway is where power lies.
Some days it’ll be impossible. Some days it’ll feel impossible but won’t actually be impossible. We learn to live with it and push ourselves to do the work anyway. To write the damn book. So I still set goals and had expectations for myself. I measured my progress. And it made me feel good to be productive.
How I’m surviving living in lockdown
Mindfulness. All of these things are little practices in mindfulness. Taking deep breaths and telling myself it’s okay to take time for myself. Not to work so much. Unplug and spend time without technology.
Lots of walks
Getting out in nature and moving my body helps me calm the buzzing nerves just beneath my skin. The pervasive anxiety that debilitates my body and affects my sleep. Staying active helps decrease stress and keeps me healthy.
Keeping a diary
I’ve been keeping a diary of my life each day. The days blur together so much that I started keeping a journal three weeks into the pandemic. My first week felt like a mini vacation. I was off work and I could relax at home. The second week felt like the stress of the entire world fell onto my shoulders. By week three, I needed to get all the tension out of my system and onto paper.
If you’ve been around here before, you know I’m an avid bullet journaler. Which I still use to keep track of to-lists, etc. I also keep diaries for “big moments.” I kept a physical diary of my experience walking El Camino de Santiago. I kept a digital journal–a series of blog posts–when I was teaching in Spain. These journals are something I cherish. And now, while this season is not something I choose, it’s comforting, all the same, to keep a diary to navigate this “big moment” even if it’s recording all-the-little-things I do every day.
Ignoring social media
I do this often. I disappear from social media for long stretches of time without warning. I just can’t. Social media is meant for sharing and I have a hard time sharing when I feel like being alone. As an introvert, I need the time by myself to recharge and all the noise of social media can be overwhelming to deal with.
I’ve also been limiting how much news I consume. I stay informed by a couple of my favorite reliable sources and keep the TV off.
My historical romance novel is finished!
Yes, I finished writing another novel! The thing is, I knew I would finish it by the end of April/beginning of May long before the pandemic put me in lockdown. I feel so good about this book and it’s almost ready to query too!
Finishing a book is always a bit anti-climatic. It ends the same way it began: sitting, typing away on a laptop, entirely in your own head. But the moral here is that I go to the end! It’s done!
For many writers, that is the hardest hurdle to get over. And of course, there were many times when I wanted to write a sparkly new idea but the persistence of seeing a project through to the end is what has allowed me to write two full novels.
This blog post could have easily been three separate blog posts instead of just one but I wanted to try and be succinct in my thoughts and in my feelings. Not an easy task for someone who loves good flowery language. (And who writes massive novels!)
But I want to reassure you (and myself, I suppose) that however you are coping with this new way of life, it’s okay. Embrace it all. I’ve watched plenty of Netflix along with all the creativity! Don’t feel discouraged if you feel like you’re not using this time productively. I have doubt and guilt almost every day because I feel like “I’m not doing enough.”
I’ve relished the time I’ve had to work on some bigger projects and dream up new projects. I am so grateful to be supported by my parents and to be healthy. To be a sensitive creative who can feel it all and embrace it to grow.
Happy Day-
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