September 26 to September 30
The Final Four Days
As the end of the course approached, my heart was racing. Anxiety was building and the new normal that had come to comfort me was about to be disrupted again. Life at Oxford was a dream and so many moments felt unreal. My worry about finances and what would come next made my jaw tense in the final week. Unfortunately, I often let my anxiety eclipse living in the moment.
And our last three days of lectures did feel a bit anticlimactic after completing a week of workshop. Yet we still were learning and had interesting presentations on topics that we hadn’t encountered before then. It’s incredible how many aspects of the industry we learned about and what more there remains to learn about. Our most interesting final lecture was about audiobooks. It’s one of the fastest growing parts of the industry and people that aren’t normally “readers” have been devouring audiobooks, myself included.
I started preparing for job hunting by making a spreadsheet Monday night. The promise of production helped keep the anxiety at bay. My final evening walk on Tuesday before dinner was overcast and drizzly, a reminder that autumn was truly on the way now, snapping final photos of the sites I’d gotten to be so fond of. We spent a rainy evening watching the Shrek movie in the JCR. The sound of our laughter swelled in the cozy room as we sat on couches, bean bags, and the floor.
I sent my final thank you emails to our guest speakers too. The excitement was starting to eclipse the anxiety in these moments. Soon I’d be working in publishing. Soon I’d get to work with books full time.
After an early lecture Wednesday morning some of us went up the tower at University Church of St. Mary the Virgin. We picked a beautiful, clear day to wind our way to the top. And wind our way we did, up the narrow one way staircase. The stone steps were steep and slick, rubbed smooth by centuries of visitors.
The narrow balcony that surrounded the perimeter was not forgiving either and my fear of heights was put to the test. It was two feet wide and only on the corners could you pass others. But the view over Oxford was breathtaking. The famous city spires cut through the red and gray roof tops like serrated knives.
That week was filled with not one, but two sherry hours. We had our workshop evaluations Wednesday afternoon and everyone from our imprint was nervous. But our nerves we unfounded because the agents that evaluated our catalogue were impressed by the sheer volume of work and creativity we had executed in just a week. It’s still something I’m extremely proud of, having all of our knowledge of publishing put to the test in such a tangible way. That sherry hour was pleasant as we thanked the guest speakers and evaluators one last time.
We graduated the next day in an exercise after lunch. We had done it. We had completed an intensive four weeks of learning about all things book publishing and it was time to take all the knowledge and networking back home to get a job.
Brittney and I went our for drinks before our final sherry hour. We split a dome of cocktails when a scheduling snafu (our last!) let us linger over them a bit more. At golden hour, we made our way back through the construction walls to the fellow’s garden. Yellow light draped over the grass and tickled the tree leaves with its dappled warmth.
This sherry hour was for friendship. Everyone was taking pictures and talking about their upcoming plans. We confessed what our dream jobs would be and what we hoped would happen after the course—dreams becoming reality.
Sherry hour was followed by a three course farewell banquet. If the food that we had that night was served every day at Exeter, no one would be complaining about the dining hall. Lamp light carried the glow of the sun indoors and cast our faces in a cozy flush that might have had a little to do with the alcohol but everything to do with the feeling of being at home.
Goodbye for Now
The last couple days of the course were bittersweet, everyone counting down the hours until their plane flights, travel plans, and imminent reunions. As I packed my belongings for my upcoming travels, it’s a miracle I only came home with four books. Well, four books for myself. I bought two extra copies of Babel and a wellness book for one of my friends.
The final day felt like we were leaving Hogwarts. Everyone had their piles of luggage in the quad, saying goodbye with hugs and promises of reunions. The gray stone of Exeter that had bound us together within its old walls stood witness like it had for 400 years. Students waved as they dashed to leave.
A couple of us that we traveling to London dragged our suitcases, laden with more books than when we arrived, over cobbles stones one final time. Sitting on the train to London, I wondered what the future held.
Little did I know how disrupted my life would become after returning home, i.e. moving. (Which is maybe why it’s taken me months to upload pictures and hit publish on these blog posts. Although, it’s been lovely to revisit my time in England many, many months after the fact.) I moved out of the Pink Apartment and into my parents for two months and then into a new apartment in a new city with my partner. While all of these changes we good, it’s still hard to be in the midst of it. So much change so suddenly affects your body and my mental health definitely took a dive as I juggled job hunting with apartment hunting and the holiday season.
I have worked harder post course than I did during it. While the journal of my weeks in Oxford is over, my journey in publishing is only just beginning. My next post is a reflection a year later, the advice I’d give to incoming CPC students, what I learned, and whether it was worth it. Because despite the romance of living and learning at one of the worlds oldest universities, the course had its problems. You can probably guess some of them because they are a reflection of what is wrong in the publishing industry—the course is just a microcosm of the business of books. Because, at the end of the day, publishing is still a business. And businesses exist to make money.
Another famous Oxford author, C.S. Lewis, gave this advice in the Chronicles of Narnia, courage, dear heart. That’s what I need for the days and months ahead. Courage to continue networking and putting myself out there. Courage to continue taking leaps of faith, again and again, when rejections pile up. Courage to continue to be optimistic that the course will be worth it and I get the job of my dreams. Courage, dear heart, to hold onto hope.
Happy Day-
Leave a Reply