This third anthology, our post-Covid project, took longer to finalize with each of us able to be out in the world again—we got new jobs, traveled, and celebrated life. Despite the extended timeline, I am so proud of this book. The variety of stories are splendid and our talented authors truly outdid themselves. Like the title invokes, the theme of Every Breath Alight is about finding your voice, speaking up, and rebelling. 

Inspiration

When I started thinking about story ideas for this collection, I knew immediately what I wanted to write—a little mermaid retelling from the perspective of Ursula. It all started from a lyric to the song “fairytales” by Gabby Sophia that has a line that goes, “The voice was taken from the mermaid but what if it was taken in the first place and they believed her because of her pretty face.” That line. Every. Single. Time. 

I asked myself what if Ariel was the villain of the story? And they believe her because of her beauty? What if they didn’t believe Ursula because of her otherness?

Then I started brainstorming the arc of the story. I knew I wanted it to be a metaphor for colonialism where an island is invaded by humans. What was once a sanctuary for merfolk on land, becomes colonized and destroyed by industrialization. 

Inspired by the movie version of The Little Mermaid, the mermaids wear shells as a necklace and it translates their ocean voice to one that can be understood on land. The idea of language and voice and colonialism was something else I wanted to weave into the narrative. So many native language have been overtaken, forgotten, because of colonialism. In this story, I used French as a secondary language. So many people consider it a beautiful language. Yet in this case, it is inherently wrong because it has been forced upon the merfolk and forced them to forget their native language.

Around this time, I read the book Empire of the Vampire which is written as a frame story. The main character is telling his life story to his jailer. The entire book is written, even the narrative parts, in quotes as the main character immerses us in the tale. Sometimes the narratives breaks away and we are inside of the jail cell and his present day perspective. 

I have never encountered a story before that used quotation marks to indicate the inside frame. The entire book was written in this way which is quite a feat (and quite the headache for the copyeditor). It can be confusing to read at times, but I knew I wanted to employ this technique. And maybe I wouldn’t write an entire book this way, but why not write a short story this way?

Short stories are made for experimenting. It’s beautiful how much you can get across in a brief span of words. They are an incredible way to test your limits, try new things, and find your voice. 

The Shell of the Story

I knew that I wanted to write my short story about voice as a frame story—a grandmother telling her granddaughter about losing her voice. The inner frame of the story is about fighting for voice and what’s right. While the outer frame is about telling stories of the ones that came before us, raising their voices, and sharing their stories.

I love frame stories. They add such nuance and another layer of story. Many famous literary works are written as frame stories—The Canterbury Tales, Don Quixote, One Thousand and One Nights, and Frankenstein. All of these stories have a reason for the frame itself. To entertain on a journey or distract a king and survive another night. And what better way to convey the theme of speaking up in my story than using a frame?

With all of these questions and ideas swirling around in my head, I started to draft. As I wrote, I tried to draw on some of the darker elements of the original Grimm fairytale like the main character feeling like she’s walking on knives. I had a concept, but I had to create a plot, build a world, and craft characters.

The trap I ran into using the quotes (instead of using italics or section breaks) was that the story had a lot of telling rather than showing. As an author, I really had to defend my decision to use quotes in this way and work to fix all the telling I had written. For me, the quotes are a signal, every single line break, that this is being told by a character. That she is using her voice to speak about her past and breathe life into her own story.

Another concern I received in my feedback was that the granddaughter wasn’t enough of a character (I didn’t even give her a name!). Despite the power of the grandmother’s story, what was the granddaughter’s story? What was she grappling with? In essence, who was she? With feedback and more questions to answer, I wrote another draft.

Using my Voice

I’m very excited to see what this year has in store. I am very, very close to finishing my first draft of my new adult historical fantasy novel. Even though I haven’t worked on it consistently since the summer, I know I will find my voice for it and write the ending better then I conceived of it.

All three of my stories featured in DRP anthologies have strong motifs of water. Water is cleansing and powerful. It is life and death. My novel has strong motifs of water too. My writing always seems to return to these themes and maybe that is a part of my authorial voice. I am drawn to the natural world and all the meaning it brings.

As I’ve tried to define my writing process this year, writing the story behind the story for “Chant de la Mer” was a nice way to remind myself that I need to spend a lot of timing thinking before I even put words on paper. Things take their own time, and as I approach three years of writing my third novel, I have to remind myself of that.

More than ever, I think it is important for us to speak up against hate and uplift marginalized voices. It is our responsibly to use our right to free speech responsibly and make sure our actions match our words. I hope my story has a little bit of that message. And the entire anthology itself is a diverse tapestry of stories that help us realize who were are.

It feels odd that I haven’t talked about the latest anthology until now even though it has been out in the world for a couple of months. To be honest, I have felt far from my author voice. There have been a lot of changes, but I think I am finally settling into my new life and it felt nice to write a blog post again. When I have doubt, I read over my own work and remind myself that I am a talented storyteller with things to say.

For years, it was hard for me to call myself what I am. I think it’s hard for artists to call themselves what they are when they feel like they need to prove something first. But you don’t need to prove anything to call yourself what you are. Use your voice to speak up for yourself and who you really are. Just like a mermaid named Ursule whose voice was stolen by a petty human named Auriel.

Happy Day-

At the end of June, the director emailed to say that the course was cancelled. And I was shocked. I had never considered a scenario where the course was cancelled, figuring if the course wasn’t in person that it would be held virtually. But when it was official, it felt like my career was put on pause, and I was once again floating. 

The next question was whether or not I wanted to defer and hold my place for next year. As I considered this, my therapist asked me a simple question, “Does it excite you?” And yes, despite the course being delayed, I still wanted to attend. A million times I still wanted to attend. I wanted to live in Oxford and learn about publishing and explore England and read books and refine my editing skills. I wanted all of it even if the timing wasn’t what I wanted.

For my CPC application, I had to answer a variation of this question: What made you decide to pursue a career in publishing? Here was my response:

Growing up, teachers, family, and friends inevitably ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s an impossible question that shouldn’t—doesn’t—have one answer. I have been many things and will continue to be many more. 

There is something, though, that has always been. I’ve always been a creative and a storyteller, an avid reader, and a fighter for the downtrodden. Those are things that don’t answer the question, “What do I want to be?” but answers the question, “Who am I?”

I became a high school English teacher because of all those things that I am: a lifelong learner, a lover of literature, a patient listener, and a detail-oriented worker. It was work that I loved in some ways, but it distracted me from what I truly wanted. I found myself asking my students the same unanswerable question that had plagued me. What do you want to be? My students never asked me this question in return. They assumed teaching was what I wanted. But it wasn’t. 

This realization was hard to overcome. I returned again and again to teaching, thinking that something would click. Only in hindsight do I realize that it wasn’t supposed to click. The parts of teaching that excited me were the critiques of story structure and sentence construction, things that would make me a great editor.

While teaching and traveling and working other jobs, I wrote. Short stories and books poured out of me. It’s the stories that I always return to again and again. Whether in teaching or my work, I capture life with stories. It was around this time that I also started blogging and connecting with a community that was eager to read my thoughts and see my creative projects. I knew I had something more than a career in the classroom. 

In all the in-between moments, I wrote and discovered that writing and publishing go hand in hand. An aspiration I have is to be an author. This is something that I know will happen for me. It’s one of those things that answers the question, “Who am I?” I am a writer. There is no “wanting” about it when writing sings in my blood.

I joined a writing group to improve my writing and this introduced me to the world of editing. I had taken editing classes at university and loved them, but they always seemed out of reach somehow. This was exactly in reach: editing and giving feedback to talented writers across all genres. Writers who would become my friends and encourage me to edit more; they told me I had valuable feedback. It wasn’t just the technical critiques they admired, it was my passion for boasting about their work. I was their champion above all. I continually encouraged friends to send out their stories and publish them. 

In the autumn of 2019, I helped start an indie publishing house, Dandelion Revolution Press, with a focus on publishing women’s fiction. Together with my co-founders, my work as a professional editor began. My eyes were opened to a world of possibilities. It was this work that reassured me that I could do this. I could have a career in publishing, and I was more than capable. More than that, I loved it. Every part of the publishing process spoke to me. 

From the detail-oriented typography to marketing and promotion, I found my calling in something that happened almost by accident. I dove headfirst and haven’t come up for air since. 

I want to follow work that is exciting to me. That wakes me up and energizes me. I know this work is important, and I am ready to chase that with my heart. Stories have the power to change us no matter their format: books, articles, blog posts, audiobooks, or podcasts. They change lives, make us better people, and make us realize what we want, and what we fight for. 

I am ready to fight for what I want. There is no more consideration; I’ve decided.

Identi-tea

In the the year and a half since getting initially accepted, I fell in love, made progress on my novel, moved into my own apartment, and got a job as a copyeditor for a small traditional publishing house. My life didn’t get put on pause just because my initial plan did.

When I reflect on what brought me here, it’s easy to see how ALL of this was a part of my path all along. It seems very linear when written out this way. But when you are on the journey, floundering and unable to see the destination, it’s scary. If you are on a similar path, you are not alone. 

When our identities are so closely tied to our careers, it can be devastating to change. I have been teaching in some capacity since I was seventeen when I started teaching swim lessons. After I quit teaching, there was immense relief. What I didn’t expect was the grief that followed. It felt like I had lost a part of who I was. Thousands of teaching are going through the same identity crisis as they leave the classroom for their mental health (and the thousand of other reasons).

After rereading my CPC essay, I can’t help but notice that “what do you want to be?” focuses on the future, while “who am I” focuses on the present. We must broaden what defines who we are. Yes, I was a teacher and all that made me a teacher is still a part of who I am. I am patient, creative, compassionate, and enthusiastic about learning and self reflection. Just because I am changing careers, doesn’t mean I don’t have to leave everything behind. Our past has shaped who we are in the present. I am an editor and an author. I am a teacher and a blogger. I don’t have to define myself with a single job title. A single career. 

Now here I am, about to embark on another adventure five years after I graduated university, four years after returning from Spain, three years after I left teaching in the classroom, and two years after I left teaching for good. I believe that things happen for a reason, and I know I was meant to attend the CPC this year. I am eternally grateful that the course will be held in person. I just don’t think it would have been the same if it was virtual.

I plan to share my experience abroad with weekly or biweekly blog posts. I hope you’ll join me for this next adventure. I declared that 2021 was the year I was leading with my heart. In 2022, I’m letting my feet take me where my heart says to go. This blog, my diary, is a footpath for others seeking a place of reflection and hope, a cozy place to reconnect and rest as we follow our creative dreams.

Happy Day-

When Paige reached out with a tentative email inquiring if any of us would be interested in a second anthology, I responded enthusiastically. My fingers couldn’t type fast enough to craft a response. I put on the caps lock and screamed through email how excited I was to do this again. 

We had done it. Despite all the odds and the massive learning curve, we had done it. We had published, together, an incredible collection and I was drunk on that success. I wanted more. I wanted more stories, more authors, more art, more outreach, more women’s voices. That’s how this all began. With women in conversation. 

An Invitation

I joined Dandelion Revolution Press in the autumn of 2019, after Paige, Ashini, and Bethany had posted the call for submissions. They reached out looking for readers to help them decide on submissions. As soon as I started reading, I knew they—we—had something. We had something more. Something different than what others were offering. A focus on short women’s fiction. 

We’ve often talked about this at our writing group—how each of us have stories that might not be quite “marketable” but are nonetheless, extremely important. These are the female forward perspectives that get pushed aside again and again. We decided to change that. 

It wasn’t just our own stories that couldn’t find a place, I looked around at the other talented writers I knew and wanted to champion their stories more than my own. As an avid reader, I fell in love with these unique narratives. Stories of hope—a dancer who could fly at night and a quirky older lady with a talent for making rocket ships. Stories of despair—a grieving widow and a singer’s violent last night. Stories of empowerment—a lawyer fighting for the downtrodden and a survivor getting revenge on abusers. 

All of these were the human experience. A women’s experience.

The Process and Progress

After narrowing down the submissions for our first anthology and sending acceptances, the next part was entirely new. How, logistically, did one go about publishing a collection and getting it into readers hands?

What followed was weeks of hard work and a lot of research. As a writer of historical fiction, I often think of the past and how times have changed. Even five years ago, this kind of thing might not have been possible. And definitely not as accessible. How wild is it to think that someone can add a book to cart and miles away it will be printed and sent within hours. 

As we edited the stories for Not Quite as You Were Told, I worked on formatting the document and designated myself as the graphic designer. What continues to amaze me is how well Paige, Bethany, Ashini and I work together. Each of us bring our skills and strengths to the table. We balance each other and contribute equally to this project that is more than just a project for us. It’s passion. 

I considered titling this blog post “Ode to Technology” because technology has made so many things possible. From communicating by email and electronic submissions to print on demand and word processors, we were able to craft a truly professional book. We even decided on stories via video chat while I was on the other side of the country!

Not Quite as You Were Told was published the week the world shut down. Technology aided us even more and our next project has been conducted almost entirely virtually. (Do I even need to say again just how much times have changed?)

As someone who works to be a full-time author, I now know how it takes a village to get a book from idea to shelves. Society often views success by an individual’s hard work. They alone got them where they are. People imagine an author sitting alone at their computer and then suddenly, as if by magic, their book is published.

This is not the true narrative. It never has been for me! Sure, there is some sitting alone at a computer typing away but I could never write alone. I sometimes talk about ideas with my writing group before I even start to write a story. Getting feedback requires people. Editing. Compiling for print. Design. 

It is most assuredly a kind of magic how a book is published. Does that make all of us at Dandelion Revolution Press witches? I hope so.

More

On a chilly fall day in 2019, I was driving my car thinking about the fantasy novel I had written. I was mulling over ideas for my query letter and just kept coming back to this idea that all of my women characters kept secrets. Then it popped into my head—The Secrets We Keep. I jotted down this title idea in my notes and saved it for something more.

As women, we often keep secrets. Society has often forced us to just as it shaped us to “act as we are told.” Our first anthology was a rebellion—a revolution—against that idea. The theme for our first anthology was women acting not quite as they were told by others.

I offered this idea to my fellow DRP word witches: a collection of women with something to hide. Paige, Bethany, and Ashini embraced it with open arms. A new theme was born for our second anthology. The excitement swelled even more and I didn’t think that was even possible. We started brainstorming secrets for our own stories and impatiently waited for stories to drop into our inbox. I looked forward to reading about fantastical and extraordinary women, and the authors delivered. 

In our newest anthology, I was reminded again how we are giving a place to stories that don’t get the recognition they deserve. A new author reached out after we accepted her story with her gratitude and excitement: her story had been looking for a home for ages without success. Now it has found a home with us. It was meant to be! This is why we do what we do. 

I was also reminded of how much we have learned. About publishing, teamwork, technology, editing, marketing, each other. I treasure the connections I’ve made with writers around the globe. And I—we!—don’t plan to stop anytime soon. Let us write. Let us share. Let us embrace a little magic.

Happy Day-

Near the end of 2020, I complained that my story lacked feeling. I couldn’t find the heart of the story. Everything was feeling very flat. Sure the characters were going through emotions and turmoil but those were reactions to things that were happening and less about how they were truly navigating this new world.

On top of that, I was struggling to write it. It shouldn’t be this hard because this is a story I am so passionate about. It has the heart of me written all over its surface but it was the inside that was missing me. My essence that lacked and I didn’t know what that was.

My solution was to push through. To plan more. To plot more. The result was I was getting farther and farther away from finding the meaning of the novel. My therapist often says I focus on the details and sometimes I need to take a step back and see things from afar. I wasn’t gaining perspective, I was doubling down on the details. 

Then I did start to take a step back and think about my own life. I was going through a rough patch and not being able to write was contributing to that. Maybe the heart of the story wasn’t in the novel because I wasn’t feeling. The thing is, I was feeling. A mountain of emotions that could have been fodder for such a heart-wrenching story. But I still felt distant from the novel. I blamed myself for a while. Then I quit teaching and felt relief.

So I started over. I cut and pasted the parts I wanted to keep and ditched the entire plot. Seriously. I started writing the novel June 1, 2020. And six months later, I restarted, keeping just 25,000 words of the original manuscript and going from there. I’m not plotting anymore. I’m writing my story from the heart. And what fun it is! Before I was floundering for feelings and in not using my head, I found the emotions. No, they found me. That’s what happens when you let your heart lead the way.

Plotter, Pantser, Plantser

If you’re not a writer, you might be totally confused by these terms. A “plotter” is a writer who plots their entire novel before they start writing. These are the type of writers that need an outline. There are some writers who plan over 10,000 words before they even start writing!

My first novel was plotted. It is a young adult fantasy novel. An entire five page summary detailed the trajectory of the story. I followed the plot and there was no agency. My character didn’t make choices. Things happened to her instead of her making decisions that moved everyone (characters and readers) along. 

A “pantser” is some one that doesn’t plan at all. It’s “fly by the seat of your pants” mentality. They just have an idea and start. It’s a very liberating type of writing. My second novel was completely pantsed. I was flying by the speed of my pen! It was the quickest novel to write and took me five months. It is an adult historical romance novel. I had two characters and a concept and had fun. This was full of emotion and tension. Frankly, too much tension. Again, my characters had little agency. What did the lovers even see in each other? If the characters didn’t convey that then why would the reader care about these characters. 

A “plantser” is something who does a little bit plotting and a little bit of pantsing. That is what I am. And that I what I am doing for this third novel. I like patterns in my life. This novel is such a combination of both my first novels. Not young adult or adult, it’s new adult. Not fantasy or historical romance, it’s a historical fantasy romance (yes, ALL three and it’s incredible). Not plotted or pantsed, but plantsed.

I have such a strong feeling that this novel is the one. It’s the one that will get me there. 

Plantsing in Action

I like the term plantser. It’s like I’m planting little seeds, watering them and nurturing them so they grow. It’s a slow process. I research as I write and follow the threads that work.

You know what else, plotting doesn’t work super well when you write out of order. I write when something inspires me or I have an idea for a scene. I’ll just write half of it and leave it there on the page. Cut and paste is my best friend! (I even wrote this blog post out of order in little spurts over the course of a week. That’s just how I work.) I can write a bunch of little bits and then cut and paste where they fit. Then I fit all the pieces in the puzzle, weaving snippets throughout the narrative.

Like I said above, I dove into plotting more and was getting farther and farther away from the story. But I realized I was planning the wrong things. I was planning action (aka plotting) when that is secondary to the emotional journey (internal conflict) that must happen to my characters. 

So there are some things I do plot and some things I plan. You know, like a plantser. I always know the climax and resolution of my story. Always. Even when I was pantsing my historical romance novel, I knew the climax and resolution. (But that was a romance novel, so the climax and resolution are always the same. Climax=break-up. Resolution=happily ever after.)

BUT. Oh my goodness, BUT. Even though I had the action of what happens at the climax and resolution, I didn’t have the epiphany. I was focusing so much on external conflict that I did not think about the internal conflict. What I did plan? Theme. THEME. What makes a story a story is the message it tells.

You can see on my post from last week about zero waste journaling that I shared my writing notebook. What I do plan, is stuff I write down by hand. There is intention to the planning when I write things down on paper as opposed to typing them. So of all the things I so plan, these are the most important questions I asked myself about my novel:

What does she learn? And what does she overcome about herself?

She learns what beauty is and overcomes the lie she believed about herself for so long that she is worthless. What causes my character to discover these things and how it affects her actions is something that she and I are working on together. That’s something I can’t plan. I now have the end goal but the road there is something we are working on together.

So plantsing it is. There is vague plot with some beats planned out. But the rest can be discovered on the page with the characters. I’m discovering more and more about my writing process and what works best for me. I’m a poetic detail-oriented writer and I can’t apply that same perfectionism to the plot or things will go flat. I have to let the emotions breathe the life into the bigger picture.

Plantsing my Actual Life?

Okay, now this is all great stuff but in finding these discoveries for my character and establishing the theme of the novel, I found meaning in my own life. Her lessons were my lessons. Her struggles were my struggles. Fiction is often tied closer to real life than we realize and this is one of those instances. Even though my story takes place in a completely different time and in a completely different place, our desires and fears are very much aligned.

I am recognizing patterns in my own life and discovering some core beliefs and misconceptions I hold. Something I am learning is that my worth is not tied to my work. I am still struggling to fully embrace this lesson when I love my work (writing, blogging, editing) but must not judge myself on how productive I am. I am a human being. Not a human doer.

You might have read my post about quitting that I wrote a month ago. These ideas are very much tied together. Finding your purpose and leading with your heart. Part of why I quit teaching was because I didn’t love it. Not with my whole heart anyway! (I also was really struggling.)

In leading with my heart, I’ve found happiness and a renewed purpose in blogging. I have so many cool things coming for you readers this year! Like seriously, the creativity hasn’t stopped since opening my arms to possibility. I applied to a publishing course that I am so so ready for and I hope I get in. I just reached the half way point of my novel! I get to work with my dream journal brand Archer and Olive* (referral link) and as an affiliate I can make a commission from a company whose values align with my own. Maybe it’s just this season that things are coming together and feeling hopeful. Maybe this has nothing to do with my heart at all but fate.

All this to say that I am living in the present. By leading with my heart, I can live in the present. I can stop feeling anxious about the future and leave the past in the past. I celebrate the present. And just like plantsing, I’m not planning out my life too far ahead.

So I declare this year I will lead with my heart. I will do things because I want to do them and not because it’s what is expected of me. I will do things that excite me. I will take risks and dive in. I’ll keep my head from stopping me. I’ll lead with my heart and I hope you’ll join me.

Happy Day-

After that break, the next two days were full of productive energy and contentment. I had a vision for my new novel and was excited to write it. I was excited for the work with Dandelion Revolution Press. I was generally feeling the excitement that I don’t let myself feel.

But then on Monday, the dread. The make your bones heavy and the pressure behind your eyes dread. I had to teach on Tuesday. I retreated into myself and numbed the stress and anxiety I was feeling by tuning out and watching more Downton Abbey. This was different than the first day of the year. That day I was intentional about my need for rest (and recovery from a late night). I set aside that day to be completely lazy.

But this? It overcame me. The need to stop thinking. The inability to be productive. I couldn’t understand this at first. What was making me spiral in such a bad way?

Later that evening as I pulled up my teaching schedule, I felt it. This was it. This was that out of control apprehension of having to work. I had been feeling this way for months and I continued to push through this fog of stress to do what I had a degree in. To do what I was good at. To do what my family expected of me.

I felt so especially awful that I cancelled by classes. Relief. Relief washed over me like a warm, comforting shower. So, I chased that feeling. I quit.

One of the hardest things to grapple with when it comes to quitting, is the time I put in before I realizing it wasn’t for me. This type of perspective is not helpful. There’s no changing the past. I shouldn’t regret this time because it was time well spent. It was well spent because I discovered how to read the signs that my body was burned out. I learned that my mental health is more important than doing what is expected of me.

I’ve spent years pursuing education and teaching and have loved many parts of it. It’s difficult to understand that something I dedicated a lot of effort to is not for me. Frankly, it sucks.

Every time I try to teach I think, “This time will be different. I can do it this time.” And every time, I get burned out within a couple of months. And I blame myself for not being able to adjust.

Blame is not helpful either! Don’t blame yourself for having to quit something that was draining you.

I’m not the alone in the apprehension that follows when making a career switch. People put off career changes, going back to school, or looking for a new job for years. It’s normal to resist change! And a career change feels like a monumental change. But does it have to be? Can we normalize going after our passions and jobs that brings us peace and excitement?

I don’t want to dismiss how hard it can be, logistically, to change careers. Quitting a job when you have bills to pay or taking out a loan for grad school is no small thing. But I think trying now rather than years down the line will only help you realize your future sooner.

Blogging Took a Hike

Unfortunately, something had to give. When my mental health was strained and my body burned out, blogging was something that was pushed to one side. Much as it hurt me to do so, it happened on its own. There was no juggling it all as much as one tries. Social media was something else that gave (but, I was less sad about that.)

But other things that I truly love gave too. Crafting and sewing. Painting and bullet journal art. They all just… faded. This didn’t make me feel any better. Things that bring me such happiness didn’t have the energy to be realized. It was a tough couple of months.

It’s only with perspective (hindsight is 2020, literally ), that when I started to teach again is exactly when this blog dropped off the face of the Earth. That is no mere coincidence. It’s hard to get the energy to blog when I hardly had the energy to teach. I was telling myself over and over again, We can do hard things. Which is a great saying but when you are telling yourself that every single day, something is wrong.

My therapist reminded me: it’s not forever. It’s not like I will never teach again. But in this capacity, it’s not for me. I do want to teach again someday. I would love to teach writing or women’s literature, both passions of mine.

Another part of the reason I quit was because I wanted to go into 2021 leading with my heart. Following excitement. I want to do a job that is exciting to me. I am excited (and scared too!) to dedicate this year to writing, editing, and blogging. I know I can do it. I can make it as a best-selling author, a renowned editor, a successful blogger.

I have lofty dreams. Huge, scary dreams. But something that I’ve learned over the course of blogging is that it takes time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But it burnt down in one. That second half of the saying is oft forgotten but I think about it often. We can crash anytime. Disasters can strike at any moment. The pandemic has made that apparent. My mental health made the construction of Rome take a five month hiatus. And that’s okay.

So time. It’ll take some time and I have to be okay with that. My anxiety tries to tell me otherwise but my heart knows that it’ll happen because I love it enough.

Blogging has given me this lesson on time in a way that I might never have realized. I look at where my website was just three years ago and marvel at the slow, progressive growth I have achieved. It’s no small thing.

Just like the lessons I learned during my time as a teacher is no small thing. They are valuable skills that only add to my future career, not undermine it.

It is only after a month since stopping teaching that everything has started to return. That drive to be a self-made woman and the declaration that I really am an entrepreneur. Blogging had taken a long nap and now it has slowly lifted off the blanket, put on its slippers, and ambled out to meet me.

That relief is still washing over me. It comes and goes like the tide. Relief and apprehension in equal measure. This time, it’s a good kind of apprehension and one I feel strong enough to tackle. Thanks to quitting.

Happy Day-

As someone who is very sensitive, I can often feel the emotions of the world as acutely as I feel my own. It comes in waves and my attempts at establishing a routine have pretty much flown out the window. Steady persistence and being conscious of the feelings as they come, has helped. Some. But I’ve still had to mindfully manage (as best as I can) during lockdown.

I am also a creative. Creativity defines who I am as a person. I wouldn’t feel myself if I wasn’t creating. And this quarantine has allowed me to live a fully creative existence. It’s a blessing in disguise. I feel absolutely blessed that I can stay home but my ability to do so is brought on by tragedy. It’s hard to say “I love quarantine” when I know it’s affecting people’s lives and their livelihood. And yet, I am so grateful that I have the time to exactly what I want.

Creativity in Isolation

It’s about balance. Creating for the sake of creating and creating for the sake of my career. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be a full-time creative someday soon. Writing and blogging are real passions and they will become my living as well. I’ve been working on it steadily but surely to make my dreams a reality.

Creativity without productivity

I have been creating non-stop. I drift from one project to the next without much thought. It just flows out of me and I’m writing and painting and sewing and dancing and making videos and taking pictures and following hair tutorials. It’s like it’s been pent up inside me, all these ideas. I feel like I have time to do them and another part of me knows that this will end sometime and I won’t have all this space to create anymore.

What I think has really helped me stay grounded is to create for the sake of creating, not to be productive. Being creative for myself alone. It’s self-care for me.

Since this is such a stressful time as it is, it’s unhealthy to expect yourself to be productive all the time. I’m taking advantage of this weird time to do all that makes me happy.

Productive Creativity

Creators create. They make stuff. No matter what. Even when everything seems wrong and all is chaos, we must still create. Things are always going to be hard but creating anyway is where power lies.

Some days it’ll be impossible. Some days it’ll feel impossible but won’t actually be impossible. We learn to live with it and push ourselves to do the work anyway. To write the damn book. So I still set goals and had expectations for myself. I measured my progress. And it made me feel good to be productive.

How I’m surviving living in lockdown

Mindfulness. All of these things are little practices in mindfulness. Taking deep breaths and telling myself it’s okay to take time for myself. Not to work so much. Unplug and spend time without technology.

Lots of walks

Getting out in nature and moving my body helps me calm the buzzing nerves just beneath my skin. The pervasive anxiety that debilitates my body and affects my sleep. Staying active helps decrease stress and keeps me healthy.

Keeping a diary

I’ve been keeping a diary of my life each day. The days blur together so much that I started keeping a journal three weeks into the pandemic. My first week felt like a mini vacation. I was off work and I could relax at home. The second week felt like the stress of the entire world fell onto my shoulders. By week three, I needed to get all the tension out of my system and onto paper.

If you’ve been around here before, you know I’m an avid bullet journaler. Which I still use to keep track of to-lists, etc. I also keep diaries for “big moments.” I kept a physical diary of my experience walking El Camino de Santiago. I kept a digital journal–a series of blog posts–when I was teaching in Spain. These journals are something I cherish. And now, while this season is not something I choose, it’s comforting, all the same, to keep a diary to navigate this “big moment” even if it’s recording all-the-little-things I do every day.

Ignoring social media

I do this often. I disappear from social media for long stretches of time without warning. I just can’t. Social media is meant for sharing and I have a hard time sharing when I feel like being alone. As an introvert, I need the time by myself to recharge and all the noise of social media can be overwhelming to deal with.

I’ve also been limiting how much news I consume. I stay informed by a couple of my favorite reliable sources and keep the TV off.

My historical romance novel is finished!

Yes, I finished writing another novel! The thing is, I knew I would finish it by the end of April/beginning of May long before the pandemic put me in lockdown. I feel so good about this book and it’s almost ready to query too!

Finishing a book is always a bit anti-climatic. It ends the same way it began: sitting, typing away on a laptop, entirely in your own head. But the moral here is that I go to the end! It’s done!

For many writers, that is the hardest hurdle to get over. And of course, there were many times when I wanted to write a sparkly new idea but the persistence of seeing a project through to the end is what has allowed me to write two full novels.

This blog post could have easily been three separate blog posts instead of just one but I wanted to try and be succinct in my thoughts and in my feelings. Not an easy task for someone who loves good flowery language. (And who writes massive novels!)

But I want to reassure you (and myself, I suppose) that however you are coping with this new way of life, it’s okay. Embrace it all. I’ve watched plenty of Netflix along with all the creativity! Don’t feel discouraged if you feel like you’re not using this time productively. I have doubt and guilt almost every day because I feel like “I’m not doing enough.”

I’ve relished the time I’ve had to work on some bigger projects and dream up new projects. I am so grateful to be supported by my parents and to be healthy. To be a sensitive creative who can feel it all and embrace it to grow.

Happy Day-

From a runaway goddess hiding in a cave to a lawyer shaking things up in a 1960s courtroom, this collection brings together stories of mythology, suspense, fantasy, and drama. Each of the thirteen stories features women acting not quite as they were told by society. Contemporary characters rise up to face loss, find closure, and even become “unholy avengers,” proving that women can be as dynamic in fiction as they are in real life. There are sirens and witches, widows and teenagers—all women you won’t soon forget.

I mean, right?! Sounds amazing, if I do say so myself. You can buy the paperback book here* or the ebook here*. Its official publishing date was March 8, 2020, on International Women’s Day. This collection is filled with moving stories from authors across the United States and Canada. And the cover is stunning and so unique. Just see for yourself!

As the self-proclaimed design guru of Dandelion Revolution Press, I put together the cover and arranged the formatting for the book. I was in my element crafting and tweaking all the elements of this anthology.

This post contains affiliate links which means that if you make a purchase via one of the links, I will receive a small commission, at no additional cost to you. I only link to products that I know and love. Thank you for supporting my blog!

A little bit about the publishing process

Like really not that much about the publishing process

I am so proud of this anthology! It was a passion project for our team and we loved every minute putting it together. We are blessed that we get to showcase such talented writers and have their work in our book.

I mean where do I even start with this publishing process? The thing I’ve been sort of secretly doing for a couple of months now. I’ve learned so much about everything to do with book publishing: reading submissions, contacting writers about acceptances/rejections, editing, arranging, formatting, promotion, you name it my friends and I did it all ourselves. Each of us brought our strengths and worked equally to make this book not-just-another-self-published-book but a professional collection of stories all about strong female characters.

I mean I just couldn’t be happier!

But the real treat comes from holding it in my hands! And the cherry on top is knowing how others can get the work of twelve amazingly talented writers in their hands too. Thanks to everyone who has supported this anthology and has supported me and my writing. You are the coolest cats.

Happy Day-

*Affiliate Link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. See my disclosure page for more info.

Every year, I declare that I will read 50 books. Which is, in fact, a pretty substantial number of books to read in one calendar year. Approximately, a book a week. According to Google, a person reads about twelve books a year. So I’m effectively quadrupling that number. But the average is, of course, inflated by the number of avid readers who read a ton of books a year. (Now, if only I could write a ton of books a year…)

This (50) is a pretty reasonable and achievable number of books I can read in a year. If you are friends with me on Goodreads, then you know. OR you know that I am an official Goodreads author , follow me to see what I’ll be reading in 2020.

Here are the best/most memorable books I read this year:

All the Crooked Saints by Maggie Stiefvater

I mean. MAGGIE. She is one of my all-time favorite and most admired authors of the 21st century. I think it is especially impressive that she wrote this wondrous book while she was seriously sick. I mean PLEASE read this blog post she wrote called, “The Year Without Words.” I admire this woman so much.

Okay, but her book is about a family in rural Colorado who can perform miracles. Pilgrims travel to Bicho Raro wanting to change their life but miracles never take the form one expects. Vivid. Memorable. Clever.

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

I am still thinking about this book. The imagery and haunting repetition have stayed with me all year. Whenever I see a rhododendron I immediately think of Manderly and the long drive lined with tangled, overgrown rhododendron. And I want to have tea under the great chestnut tree in the summer with the rose-garden in bloom and the sound of the sea from across the way.

This book is smartly crafted and plotted; I never saw any of the twists coming! It’s a classic, and for any lover of gothic literature, this is a must-read.

All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Through the Ages edited by Saundra Mitchell

Damn, this book. It was everything! I loved the exploration of different time periods and places. It was compelling and sweet and full of romance.

Okay, so some have complained about the lack of diversity in this book. Maybe fair? It feels very Eurocentric/western. All the stories take place in Europe and America. There were 2 trans, 1 ace, 4 gay, and 10 lesbian characters. Most of the characters were white, some POC, and 1 disabled character. But a book of short stories that wasn’t about white heterosexual characters is what we need more of!

Overall, the writing of every story was beautiful done and the stories were imaginative. And the point is, queer teens were around all the time and this was a start to having some of those stories told.

All of these books happened to find me at the right time. Which is not to say the other books I read this year weren’t great either. These are just the ones that stick out to me this year. And what makes these books just ugh-squeeze-my-heart is the fact that I want to read these books again. Immediately.

Happy Reading-

If you didn’t see my blog post announcing my participation, you can read it here. For the challenge, I decided to write a completely new story: a steamy historical romance novel set in Victorian South Hampton.

Related: See my entire November bullet journal spread here.

I considered writing book two of my fantasy trilogy but I knew it would be too much. The thing with epics is that I (personally) need to have it planned and completely plotted. Especially since it is part of a series, it’s not the type of book that works well for flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants. 

Romance, on the other hand, I think works perfectly for a little plantsing. Why? Because it’s about a relationship at its core. As the characters develop on the page so does their relationship and this drives the story. And for me, that’s what keeps me writing and thinking (only a couple steps, mind you) ahead. 

Romance (broken down to the bones) is about two flawed people who meet, get to know each other, want to be together but can’t for reasons. And by the end, they have learned from each other and have overcome all the obstacles so they can be together happily ever after. Hugs and kisses forever!

All of this is to say: Have fun!

Seriously, that should be your aim and it certainly was for me. If you are interested and excited about the story, that enthusiasm will shine through and will carry you through the entire month. If you are bored then readers will be bored reading it.

Which is not to say that the writing won’t be hard to do. Quite the opposite, you can still have fun but it can still feel like work. But I think the writing and the story-making comes a teensy bit easier if the story you want to tell excites you.

The Goal of NaNoWriMo

I think what I discovered in November above anything else is the reason why NaNo works. I think the “goal” of national novel writing month is to get people into the habit of writing every day. Which is a terrific goal! Sit your butt in a place and write and write and write. Until your fingers and/or hand and/or brain hurts. And then keep writing a little bit more after that. It’s about creating a habit and pushing yourself to write every day so by the end of the month you have 50,000 words. Solid. Great.

But the other sneaky-beautiful goal of NaNo that I discovered was community. That’s how NaNo can become so much more than just writing a bunch of words in a month. I got to create art alongside other people creating art. We connected to something larger than ourselves. We get to belong in a way that only story-telling can accomplish. And when we feel that universal energy, we know we can do big things. Audacious things. Important things. We have the confidence of an entire community supporting us in our journeys. And that is one sneaky-beautiful goal.

Especially, when writing in and of itself is a largely independent venture. Sitting alone and crafting worlds only we can see. And yet for that month of November, I was a part of something more than me and my story: I was a part of a community all striving to do great things and getting to cheer others along as I was told, “You got this!”

And in the end, I fell short. I didn’t make the 50,000-word “goal.” And I am still proud. That is a gracious thing to be when my perfectionist nature keeps yelling at me and saying that I “failed.” But how could I fail? Just creating at all, even getting only a couple of thousands of words would still be better than zero words. So to all that participated: congrats on one hell of a month.

Happy Writing-

NaNo came at a perfect time because I am currently querying my YA fantasy adventure novel. While that takes time (and the wait is agonizing I can assure you,) I’m distracting and challenging myself to write a whole novel in the month of November. I consider myself a writer of fantasy and historical fiction. My fantasy often has many historical tidbits while my historical fiction leans on the romantic and adventure side, and maybe a little magic is thrown in there too. For me, reading is an escape. And I hope my writing can offer the same, crafting meaningful yet, at the same time, escapist content. With fantasy and historical fiction, I can to be in another world, in another time. 

It took me two years to draft my epic 110,000 word fantasy manuscript. I planned it over the course of a month or so when I was really inspired, detailing the entire plot of the novel. The editing took all of this year and for the first time since May 2017, I didn’t have a project to work on.

Then it was four days until November and NaNoWriMo. And like the crazy person I am, I decided to participate! There are a couple of people in my writing group who are also taking on the challenge. It’s motivating to have other people to do it alongside. We have been encouraging each other and checking in with each other’s stories almost every day.

Related: How I turned these roses into homemade zero waste rose water

About my new project

I cannot describe this new project as anything but delicious! It’s a historical romance (erotica too) that is so much fun to write! I think that’s the point sometimes. Writing doesn’t always have to be tedious and full of meaning. It can have a snobbish upper-class lady (who loves to garden) fall in love with an arrogant yet dashing lower-class servant. 

And I think the more light-hearted nature of this book is the perfect project for November. I’m feeling really confident in this story and my writing style. It’s coming together better than I could have imagined despite not plotting almost at all.

Don’t get me wrong, NaNo has been challenging. And seriously tough to get words in some days. But it’s about doing it anyway when things are hard. Pushing yourself to create because it’s important.

Learn more about National Novel Writing Month at nanowrimo.org.

So here’s to declaring my intention to write 50,000 words this month! Have you ever heard of National Novel Writing Month?

Happy Writing-